difficult people

Wherever you go or whatever you do, you are going to encounter difficult people.

I remember the day my mom taught me this truth nugget and her shocking advice on how to handle it.

It was on one of the last few days of grade school when summer starts to creep into everything to the point of distraction.

I went to catholic school where we wore uniforms. On this day, however, we had a “dress down day” and when these came around, it was a big deal, trust me.

My eight year old self had the perfect outfit ready to rock: a sleeveless button down collared blouse with blue flowers that tied at the bottom (super cool, I know). The real show stopper, though, was the denim shorts with frills at the bottom that matched the flowery top exactly. Yep, it was a matching set. Fashion at its finest!

Picture that same excited eight year old coming home in tears because an older girl made fun of me and my matching frills. Devastating.

My moms response to this bully?

Say a prayer for her.

I remember exactly how this made me feel when moms response to this monster of a human was to say a prayer for her.

It filled me with rage.

What?! I certainly will not! She was terrible!

She doesn’t deserve my prayers or my forgiveness, not that she asked for it. She was a bully picking on someone younger and smaller than her (not to mention adorable, come on, matching frills?!)

Exactly. That was moms point, whatever was going on in that older girls life had nothing to do with me, my frills, or my bruised eight year old ego.

Prayer happened to be my moms thing, but you can insert whatever brand of kindness here that you can muster. Positive vibes, compassion, gratitude.

Fast forward thirty years- running a seasonal business has some high highs and some low lows.

Now, when summer starts to creep into everything to the point of distraction, learning how to deal with difficult people becomes somewhat of an art, especially in the hospitality industry.

On any given summer day at Love Lane Kitchen we can feed over 400 people. Out of those 400 people, 398 of them will be lovely, enjoy everything and thank us when they leave. But those 2 people who were jerks for whatever reason, we remember.

Why is this?

Is it because they were total jerks and acted shitty? Yes, but that is only a small part of it.

The truth is:

It’s how we react to them that stays with us. Cause that is the part we can control. Not what people do, but how we react to what people do. It is a choice.

I’ve encountered customers who react so irrationally to a mistake that it becomes quite clear the “problem” extends past whatever is wrong with their breakfast or lunch or chair or meal.

Instead, it’s a reflection of whatever might be wrong in their life. You just don’t know what people are going through.

(I guarantee you, it’s never about the eggs.)

How they act is a reflection on them, and how we react is a reflection on us.

When our reaction is not great: i.e. defensive, mean or just not us at our best (no matter how justified) we are allowing them to dull our shine.

That’s where moms defense comes in brilliantly. Say a prayer, send some positive vibes, take a deep breath and take it on don’t take it in.

Spending our precious energy on hate will always leave us feeling depleted, defeated and boy to we remember that.

On the other hand, (when I remember) to take a deep breath and respond in an emotionally evolved way, I can shift the vibe from something negative and energy sucking to remaining in power of my higher self and turn up the kindness. I’ll let you know when I manage to do this more than not…..

It defuses the situation and keeps your power within you. What a difference!

Worth noting, violent, dangerous, abusive, etc. behavior is never acceptable, (I’ve asked people to kindly never come back to my restaurant or called the cops if the situation warrants it) but for the general difficult, mean spirited, human walking around-

It doesn’t hurt to turn up the compassion a little.

This isn’t just for random strangers being difficult. Sometimes it’s our family, our co-workers. Our team.

Sometimes it's us!

Sometimes we are the jerks who acted out of character because of whatever was going on in our lives.

How generous is it to be shown some grace in moments of our not so niceness?

No one is perfect and no one is at their best all the time.

Grace and compassion almost always work. Gratitude, kindness- all give power back to you and your light. That way we can get back to being our frilly short wearing selves, or whatever version of you that is awesome!